hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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