Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
