remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
