Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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