somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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