i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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