Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
