But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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