It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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