Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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