Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
