How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
