just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
