is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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