worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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