I hate your face
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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