she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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