she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
