If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
