when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
