yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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