btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
