Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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