Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
