How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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