and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
