I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
