you're like a bully in the Christmas story
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What a dumb baby whore.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
