he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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