Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
