apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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