Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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