Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
