It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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