my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
