Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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