What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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