I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
