How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
