You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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