well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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