??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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