Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
