The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
