I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
