I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
