DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
