For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
