I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What a dumb baby whore.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
