I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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